Confessions of my depression

Have you ever felt you’re all alone in the world before? Hopeless.. and don’t see the meaning in living anymore?

People who told me they understand my pain… but no, they don’t cause they are not me. You can never truly understand someone else’s pain unless you have experienced it on your own.

I was never clinically diagnosed with depression, but I am quite certain I had it.

I was a happy and outgoing girl during my school days. Things changed when I started having problems with my skin.

I didn’t break out during puberty. I had clear skin while my friends were getting pimples. I was 18 years old when I felt changes to my skin.

I would keep blushing for no reason. My face remained permanently red. Then I had zits all over. The doctor told me it was Rosacea. There is no cause, and there is no cure.

I was only 21 years old.

I was embarrassed to face people whom I am not close to. I don’t look at people when we converse. I am afraid that all they will be looking at me were my imperfections rather than me as a person.

I became disinterested in studying. I shunned away from my closest friends without giving them any reasons. Everywhere I go, I would keep thinking that people were scrutinising me, my imperfections.

I didn’t want to do anything or even be outside. I wanted to stay at home where no one could see me.

I was lucky to have my special someone help me out of this mess. He would encourage me, accompany me to the Chinese doctor, Western doctor, and tell me that things will be alright.

My rosacea is still here to stay, but I have come to terms with it now. It is better after I started treatment and I hope it stays that way.

Also, positive thinking helps.

There are a lot of people in this world who are down with terminal illnesses from birth or born with disabilities.

I should stop and think about the people around me who are less fortunate. It puts my problems into perspective and I realised there’s actually much more to life than living in my own world and wallowing in self-despair.

5 comments

  1. Nice post for awareness of depression. Once we pinpoint the reason for our depression (each time it comes up!), we become cognizant and learn to redirect thoughts and incorporate coping skills to better deal with the “down time”. I try to remember to live in the moment and not focus so much on what tends to get me down.

    1. Thanks littlesundog, well said! Indeed, depression is not a ‘one-off’ thing which goes away for good – we just have to learn to deal with it. A little optimism will go a long way!

  2. I have suffered severe depressive disorders, anxiousness, panic disorder, and insomnia for many years. I’ve tried Cymbalta, Paxil, and Effexor. Most recently, my doc approved Prozac, Ambien, Abilify, and Xanax. This mix seems to are good, although I still have severe difficulty sleeping. I’m hoping he could say some thing in combination with the Ambien or improved the quantity; other than that, the symptoms have dramatically minimised for me.

  3. Hi depression med, I hope you’re feeling better. Taking too much med is not good I feel, best is to learn how to deal with it, if it’s not too serious. Take care!

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